Retirement - Female Personalised Newspaper

Retirement - Female Personalised Newspaper - Gift Details

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• First Name and Surname
• Option of uploading an Image of the recipient
• Company Name
• Reporter’s Name
• Newspaper’s publication Date

General Information

Spoof Contents

Headline

(Female First Name) (Female Surname) Retires

Sub Headline

It’s the end of an era for (Company Name)

Written By

(Written by)

Business Editor

Colleagues have waved a fond farewell to (Female First Name) (Female Surname), who has finally retired – after working for (Company Name) for as long as anyone can remember.

“(Female First Name) retiring is devastating,” said a downcast fellow employee, who asked not to be named. “It’s a very dark day for the company and she will be sadly missed.”

With (Female First Name) gone, business experts have been speculating on the future of the business without her. Some say the firm’s fortunes may well nosedive, with profits tumbling dramatically in the next quarter. This could mean drastic cuts within the company.

“The retirement of (Female First Name) could mean cutbacks at every level, so integral was she to the continued smooth running of the company,” one shocked expert commented.

However, other business gurus say her retirement may have the opposite effect, spurring the employees on to fill the huge gap left by her legacy and prompting a massive upturn in company fortunes.

“(Female First Name) leaving could be the best thing to happen to us,” said an insider. “We could see unequalled success at the firm as we rally together and attempt the impossible job of filling her dainty shoes."

When asked to comment about the future of the company following this shock retirement announcement, a member of Lord Alan Sugar’s entourage said, “Generally, the retirement of one individual may have little or no financial impact on the continued success of any company. But let’s face it; we are talking about (Female First Name) (Female Surname). Quite frankly the place will fall apart without her – this is a very sad day for the British economy.”